"One in a thousands": that's what the horoscope reader told my mother. I am the one in a thousands. My optimist mother thought that I will be famous and bring fame-name to the family. But in a country where the population is in Billions, "Thousand" can be just side-lined. Coming back to why I decided to blog today. Yes, I am the chosen one: the one in thousands indeed. I am lupic. No one in the family (including my ancestors and other closed or distant relatives) has lupus. Lupus chose me. Initially , I was like "Why me?" ,but now I decided to live with it. There has been so many painful moments in my life -physical as well as emotional ones. The body aches, the skin is sensitive, the bones become weaker.
When it all started in the winter of 2008, I was stiff in the morning. I could not take my steps. Acute alopecia ,arthritis and sensitive skin haunted me. I was misdiagnosed for arthritis initially. The pills were not helping me . I stayed with my colleagues. They were so supportive. Every morning, I need to be literally pull up as I was so stiff and could not bend my knees. After many tests, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematousus (SLE). I am glad to finally know what is my illness.It's an auto-immune disease. My WBCs have become dumb that they fail to identify the good and bad cells. . The treatment started and I got my hair back,the butterfly rashes vanished ,but happiness come with a price. As I was treated with steroid, I gained weights , lots of them. I am FAT and PUFFY ,but happy. I can dance again. I can play again. I was a part of my college throw ball team. I serve real good, though I am not so good at the rest of the game. The every fortnightly visit to the hospital was horrifying. I hate seeing sick people. Kidney biopsy, more and more blood tests ,but I am thankful that I am still alive.
In October 2009, I parted with colleagues-cum-roommates. One get married and the other went back to Dubai. I missed my Dubai-friend. She is my best friend . We went to movies, shopping and restaurants together. A big vacant in my life , though she is always there in my heart. I met a friend of my school-friend just then. I hang out with him on weekends. I am crazy as always. He liked my craziness. He is a vet-student-in practice. He knew well about me being lupic. He was leaving the town for his higher studies soon. In December 25,2009, he proposed me, a cold december night around 9 PM at the park opposite to my apartment. I explained him that I don't deserve to lead a family-life because I am the chosen one. He explained that other lupic people do have family. I know lupic people can have family but during pregnancy , steroid is to be avoided which will aggravate the illness. More-over lupic people have a average lifespan of 35 years. Some are exception,Michael Jackson died at 50,due to overdose of his lupic-medicine. I too had hope now. I may survive till 50. I may be able to see my children growing to teenagers atleast. I have hope and I wanted to fall in love . I said yes to him. He was in train ,travelling to his university. It's hard for me to keep secrets from my mother. I told her the news. Like every parents,she acted indifferent.In 25th Feb 2010, on my birthday , i met him again . I went home for a holiday. He too came to see me. I was so sick to drive my scooter . Mom dropped me at the restaurant for my first date. I love my mom. She is so supportive. To be in Love is so beautiful. I m in love madly ,deeply and truely. I am thankful to the decision I took. I am happy. My holidays are over. I came back to my work but happy. I wanted to live healthy as ever. I quit social drinking. I want to survive now. In August 2010, I was transferred to another city. I wanted to meet him but we get caught up in our own lives. We went through the Ups and downs of my relationships. His research-works kept him busy. My new project was equally hectic. On Feb 13, 2011, I got a message,"Let's break-up". I demanded a valid reason. I was given one."You are sick". I heard he got a new girl. I cried but I don't blame him. My first love, first date ,first kiss: I am thankful to him. I made a bucket-list :No 1. To fall in love . I put a tick, next to it. No2: Travel No3 Learn Guitar,etc .The list is short .Comes up to around 10 things only. I am a human . I know the list will grow.
My groom hunt kicked off. I kept chasing the potential grooms which my mother selected,away telling that I m sick. I have tasted the pain of heartbreak. I know I am building wall around myself.In October 2011, my very worried mother introduced me to a guy. I think my mother might have sworn that she will visit the 9 holy hindu places in Manipur if she finds me a groom. I told him about my illness. He is fine with that. Strange. I know I was falling in love again. In december 2011, I had my prenuptial -function finalized. I am officially engaged. My marriage will be in March 2012. I was happy. Came February 2012, he got an onsite opportunity. Marriage can wait but not onsite opportunity. He went to Canada. He forgot valentine day,forgot my birthday .It's okay. he must be busy.
On April6 2012, I met with an accident. I broke my pelvic bones. I was bed-ridden. I broke the news to him once I was discharged from hospital. He asked me to take care and never call me up again. My mom came to take care of me but she is a working women.A month later,after being Ok-ed to be flown home, I was flown home for better care. My mother continued with her shopping for my marriage. I could not longer bear to see it, i told my mom to stop it all . It was over. He had never mailed me or call me again. Our parents met. The engagement was called off. I am not heart broken this time. Surviving the accident and recovering gave a all new reason to live. I will live. I got DEXA-scaned. I had osteopenia now. The steroid eats my bones up. I am asked to be careful and avoid falls. I cannot avoid falls. I fall in love with life again.
I still have not mentioned "Why I am blogging this?" Well, the chosen one wanted to choose to love someone, I wanted to have someone to share my love and who will love me back too. I am looking for a pet-dog. Doctors have advised me not to have dogs/cats as my skin is too sensitive. I have golden fishes.But I wonder if they love me too. I hate cats. So , I am definitely going to pet dogs. Puppies!! here I come. This was in my bucket list !
